‘Children’s Bible in a Nutshell
Judas Asparagus!!
A child was asked to write a book report on the entire Bible.
This is amazing and brought tears of laughter to my eyes.
I wonder how often we take for granted that children
understand what we are teaching???
Through the eyes of a child:

The Children’s Bible in a Nutshell
In the beginning, which occurred near the start, there was
nothing but God, darkness, and some gas.  The Bible says,
‘The Lord thy God is one, but I think He must be a lot older than
that.

Anyway, God said, ‘Give me a light!’ and someone did.
Then God made the world.

He split the Adam and made Eve. Adam and Eve were naked,
but they weren’t embarrassed because mirrors hadn’t
been invented yet.

Adam and Eve disobeyed God by eating one bad apple, so they
were driven from the Garden of Eden. Not sure what they were
driven in, though, because they didn’t have cars.
Adam and Eve had a son, Cain, who hated his brother as long
as he was Abel.

Pretty soon all of the early people died off, except for Methuselah,
who lived to be like a million or something.

One of the next important people was Noah, who was a good guy,
but one of his kids was kind of a Ham.  Noah built a large boat and
put his family and some animals on it. He asked some other people
to join him, but they said they would have to take a rain check.

After Noah came Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob.  Jacob was more
famous than his brother, Esau, because Esau sold Jacob his
birthmark in exchange for some pot roast.  Jacob had a son named
Joseph who wore a really loud sports coat.

Another important Bible guy is Moses, whose real name was
Charlton Heston.  Moses led the Israel Lights out of Egypt and
away from the evil Pharaoh after God sent ten plagues on
Pharaoh’s people.  These plagues included frogs, mice, lice,
bowels, and no cable.

God fed the Israel Lights every day with manicotti.  Then he gave
them His Top Ten Commandments.  These include: don’t lie,
cheat, smoke, dance, or covet your neighbor’s stuff.  Oh, yeah,
I just thought of one more:  Humor thy father and thy mother.

One of Moses’ best helpers was Joshua who was the first Bible
guy to use spies.  Joshua fought the battle of Geritol and the
fence fell over on the town. After Joshua came David.  He got
to be king by killing a giant with a slingshot.

He had a son named Solomon who had about 300 wives and
500 porcupines.  My teacher says he was wise, but that doesn’t
sound very wise to me.  After Solomon there were a bunch of
major league prophets.  One of these was Jonah, who was
swallowed by a big whale and then barfed up on the shore.
There were also some minor league prophets, but I guess we
don’t have to worry about them.

After the Old Testament came the New Testament.  Jesus is
the star of The New.  He was born in Bethlehem in a barn.
(I wish I had been born in a barn too, because my mom is always
saying to me, ‘Close the door!  Were you born in a barn?’
It would be nice to say, ‘As a matter of fact, I was.’)

During His life, Jesus had many arguments with sinners like the
Pharisees and the Democrats. Jesus also had twelve opossums.
The worst one was Judas Asparagus.  Judas was so evil that they
named a terrible vegetable after him.

Jesus was a great man.  He healed many leopards and even
preached to some Germans on the Mount. But the Democrats and
all those guys put Jesus on trial before Pontius the Pilot.  The Pilot
didn’t stick up for Jesus.  He just washed his hands instead.

Anyways, Jesus died for our sins, then came back to life again.  He
went up to Heaven but will be back at the end of the Aluminum.
His return is foretold in the book of Revolution.’

Whether a child wrote it or not, the right concept is there.  If you
don’t obey God you will be driven out, whether you have a car or
not.  Also Jesus will be returning!

I am posting the lyrics to Tennessee Ernie Ford’s
1950′s song ‘Sixteen Ton‘.  This had to do with
miners, Food Inc. mostly has to do with farmers
or actually big conglomerates who produce the
food you eat.  It all comes down to the same
thing, they still work for ‘the Company Store‘!

These farmers may seem to own the farms;
chicken, cow and pig but because of the enormous
debt they have to acquire, it is actually the processors
who own them.

If you had to spend as an example; $500,000 to run a farm
exactly how the processor tells you and only make $20,000
a year, do you own your farm?  No, you are really just a slave
to the company!

I looked for the lyrics for Tennessee Ernie Ford’s song
and came across this page:
WorkingOldies
Here is the introduction from the page:
There’s never been a better song about the lives of the men
who built America — their day-to-day desperation, their need
to find some scrap of dignity in “fighting and trouble,” the
spiraling debt, the backbreaking hours, and the crushing
sense of futility. If “Ol’ Man River,” in the proper hands, could
be a declaration of stoicism in the mind of the 19th century slave,
then this dark and yet somehow ultra-smooth number performed
the same service for the 20th century miner. So true was its
message that original artist and songwriter Merle Travis was nearly
blackballed in the McCarthy witch hunts of the early Fifties;

Sixteen Ton
‘Some people say a man is made outta mud
A poor man’s made outta muscle and blood
Muscle and blood and skin and bones
A mind that’s a-weak and a back that’s strong

You load sixteen tons, what do you get
Another day older and deeper in debt
Saint Peter don’t you call me ’cause I can’t go
I owe my soul to the company store

I was born one mornin’ when the sun didn’t shine
I picked up my shovel and I walked to the mine
I loaded sixteen tons of number nine coal
And the straw boss said “Well, a-bless my soul”

You load sixteen tons, what do you get
Another day older and deeper in debt
Saint Peter don’t you call me ’cause I can’t go
I owe my soul to the company store

I was born one mornin’, it was drizzlin’ rain
Fightin’ and trouble are my middle name
I was raised in the canebrake by an ol’ mama lion
Cain’t no-a high-toned woman make me walk the line

You load sixteen tons, what do you get
Another day older and deeper in debt
Saint Peter don’t you call me ’cause I can’t go
I owe my soul to the company store

If you see me comin’, better step aside
A lotta men didn’t, a lotta men died
One fist of iron, the other of steel
If the right one don’t a-get you
Then the left one will

You load sixteen tons, what do you get
Another day older and deeper in debt
Saint Peter don’t you call me ’cause I can’t go
I owe my soul to the company store‘

It’s not easy being a parent of teens these days. Previously
rational children transform into moody, unreasonable creatures
whose need to shock is only surpassed by their efforts to fit in.

Add a measure of impulsiveness and experimentalism, and it’s
no wonder risky behavior skyrockets during these years. What
a parent can do is to keep the lines of communication open,
stay informed of the health dangers of some of the most
common trends, and keep their fingers crossed.

(I would say that communication begins right from the time they
can talk.  Don’t lie to your children about anything no matter
how small you think it is.  Some things they don’t need to know
depending on their age and that is all you need to tell them.)

Here’s a roundup of 10 troublesome trends, some old and
some new, that your teen may be exposed to this school year:

1. Biting and cutting and sucking blood (Chilling)
Yes, as unbelievable as it sounds, there’s a vampire movement
afoot thanks to the glamorous portrayal of teen vampires on the
Twilight series and The Vampire Diaries and the popularity of
HBO’s True Blood. Besides the serious bacterial dangers of
human bites, it can be a mode of HIV transmission that’s not
covered in most sex ed classes.

2. Circle lenses/decorative contact lenses
A look made popular by Lady Gaga and YouTube, circle lenses
create a big doe-eyed appearance and have become popular
among teenage girls. Illegal to sell without a prescription, but
easily bought online, doctors are concerned about risks of blinding
infections and damage to the cornea.

3. ADHD prescription drug abuse
The same drugs being used to treat attention deficit disorder
are being freely shared by some teens on college campuses
and high schools to give them an edge at preparing for exams.
Not only is the stigma gone, but kids who have the prescriptions
are the go-to favorites during finals. If your child uses ADHD
drugs, warn him or her against sharing. If your child doesn’t,
make it clear that these are serious medications with side
effects, not study aids.

4. Tobacco escalation products
Many teens are convinced that, unlike cigarettes, smoking a
hookah or using chewing tobacco is not harmful. In fact,
hookahs do use tobacco (referred to as Massel) which comes in
a wide variety of flavors—including apple, strawberry, and
coconut—intended to create a “graduation strategy” so that
kids get hooked by starting them with milder tasting, more flavored
substances. This trick is also used with a product called “Snus“,
a non-chew, no-spit oral tobacco that’s also available in variety of
sweet and fruity flavors. Also increasingly popular with teens,
using Snus lets them stay under the radar at school and still get
their nicotine fix, because it’s stuffed between the lip and the
gum.  Make sure your teens know that these products have their
own dangers, as well as leading to nicotine addiction.

(As far as I am concerned these producers should be shut down
and even put in jail.  They are no better than dope pushers.)

5. Tanorexia/Tanning salons
Even though exposure to tanning beds before the age of 30
increases a person’s risk of developing melanoma by 75
percent, this real danger is dampened by television shows that
depict it as trendy and fashionable. One study of university
students found that more than 90 percent of tanning-bed users
know about the risks of premature aging and skin cancer but
continue to tan because they think it looks good.

6. Tattoos
Tattoos have become extremely popular among teens. Although
most states have laws prohibiting minors from getting them,
they are poorly enforced. Recent data suggest that more than
one-third of adults in the U.S. under the age of 35 now sport at
least one tattoo.  Outbreaks of community-associated methicillin-resistant Staphylococcus aureus (MRSA) skin
infections among tattoo recipients have been related to sloppy infection control practices.

And tattoos are estimated to account for more than twice as
many hepatitis C infections as injection drug use. Other
infections, including HIV, can also be contracted through
tattooing. If your kids insist on tattoos, make sure that they go
to a licensed practitioner.

7. Piercings
Besides traditional ear piercings which carry the standards risks
of  infection, allergic reactions to nickel, and scar formation, kids
are piercing other parts of their bodies, including their nose,
naval region, lips, eyebrows and tongues, as well as areas hidden
from parents, such as the nipples and genitals. Bacterial
infections are not uncommon as are risks of hepatitis,
tuberculosis, HIV and tetanus. Deformity and scarring can be
permanent. Make sure your kids are aware that needles wielded
by anyone but a health professional or certified technician can be
lethal weapons.

8. Tech use at night
Do you know what your kids are doing in their bedrooms at night?
It’s likely they’re texting their friends, chatting on Facebook, or
playing video games. The high-tech bedrooms of many teenagers,
are anything but dark and quiet. They often go to sleep listening to
their iPods, and exchange text messages late into the night. In
fact, this seems to be typical teenage behavior. No wonder they’re
tired in school. Encourage your child to make it a habit to
completely unplug well before bedtime.

9. Texting while driving
There have been reports of teens getting into serious car
accidents texting while driving because they keep their hands
and eyes on their cell phone keys, rather than the steering
wheel. The practice is widespread and getting worse. According
to a 2010 survey by AAA and Seventeen Magazine, 86 percent
of drivers, age 16-19 admit to risky driving habits, up 25% from
a 2008 survey. And those who texted, sent, on average, 23 text
messages while driving in the past month. Sixty percent of teens
say they drive while talking on their cell phones, up nine percent
from a 2008 survey.  Make sure your teen drivers have headsets
in the car so they can take needed calls and keep their hands on
the wheel.

10. Noise exposure
According to published research, about 12.5 percent of American
children between the age of 6 and 19 have measurable noise
induced hearing loss in one or both ears. Exposure to harmful
sounds can injure the delicate hair cells in the inner ear. We have
a fixed number of cochlear hair cells and they don’t regenerate,
so it’s important to prevent damage in the first place to reduce
the need for a hearing aid later in life. To protect their hearing,
they should turn down the volume from headsets, televisions
and car radios, and set the top volume level on their MP3 player
to a safe level.

http://www.consumerreports.org/health

——————————————————————————-

Anything in brackets is what I have inserted as my opinion.
I will close this with some more of my opinion.  As I said
you should have discussions with your children right from the
time they can talk.  In those discussions they should be learning
who the voice of authority is, you, not them.  As they grow they
will then understand that when you say no, you mean no!  Many
think that a parent shouldn’t lay a hand on a child, well to me a
couple swats on the behind with your hand goes a long way in
showing who is the boss in your home.

I would say that the reason that some parents start beating on
their children is because they have become so frustrated that
their child won’t listen, they just lose it.  A few slaps on the behind
as they are growing up just might eliminate this frustration.

Some children just do not listen and need a firm way of making
them listen.  I am totally against hitting a child anywhere but
on the behind, plus it should not be done in anger.  Though if a
young child is going to touch something that is going to harm them
a slap on the hand is not going to damage them.  Anyway, this is a
subject that needs more than a paragraph or two.

I have added this because I object to a child ‘insisting‘ they have
what ever it is that they want when the parent has said no.  If
they learn the meaning of NO when growing up, then there would
be no insisting.  I do think a parent should let their child state their
opinion and reasons for wanting something but it is up to the
parent to be mature enough to understand when something is
good for their child or not.

Patricia

“It is the disease of not listening, the malady of not
marking, that I am troubled withal.”
Shakespeare

“Too many of us ‘see’, but very rarely observe“, is
Harry Lorayne’s suggestion.  So we are going to talk
first of our power of observation. For as Harry says,
to achieve a good memory ,”the eyes must see in
order for the mind to interpret.“

Do You Really See What You Look At?

Did you read it right?  If not then you didn’t read it
completely, though understandably most of us don’t
read every word in a sentence.  So read each word
separately and see what you missed.

Another maybe better example is when following
people out of a theatre.  The line is packed going
out the big door when to the side is a smaller door
with hardly anyone going out it.  I see that at the
showcase lounge we go to.  We pretty well always
take the smaller door and get out sooner than the
ones lined up at the bigger door.

Harry feels we don’t see the obvious, the familiar or
the commonplace. I would say it is also a case of a
bit of sheep mentality, following the crowd without
bothering to observe our surroundings.

Harry suggests that we can learn how to be observant
by picking out certain things in a room, leaving and
trying to remember what we saw.  As we exercise
our bodies we also need to exercise our minds.

Everything we learn in life basically takes practice,
practice and more practice.  Harry says,”I only want
to assure you that if you look and listen with
attention and awareness you’ll not only save yourself
a lot of  time and trouble, but you’ll improve your
memory immediately.”

Samuel Johnson said, “The true art of memory is the
art of attention.”

Patricia

She surfed and she surfed searching the web
Finally finding a site, free is  what they said
She signed up and was told to verify first
She didn’t once have to open up her purse
In her back office she found many tools
To help her to learn the internet rules.

She knew there was hype about making a mint
So she was sent to the support room to get a hint
For making a mint is not an easy thing to do
But much passion and patience will help you through

She was so excited, questions going round in her head
She put on her headphones to hear what was said.
Their plan had been working  online since  1999
The support group were helpful and very kind
They said, “if you follow our steps one two three
An internet marketer soon you will be”.

Patricia

Patricia

There is only a certain ‘window’ for picking the
berries so wanted to get some for a change.
They weren’t the best since there was still many
red ones.  At least it was a taste, and hopefully
will get another chance to go find some more.

Saskatoon berries, make the best berry pie ever!
Sure, I know, you will say ‘no’ ,so and so berries
make the best pie.  I think there are certain fruits
for every area in the world which are touted as the
best.   It’s what you grow up with and what is available
but I will always love saskatoon berry pie!

To make my pie crust, I just use 2 cups of flour, a
couple dashes of salt and cut in about 3/4 cup of
Crisco shortening.  Add about 4 tablespoons of cold
water , a tablespoon at a time, until dough starts to
stick together.  Put together a ball of enough dough
to cover a pie plate, set on floured board, give a few
taps with rolling pin.  Start rolling in a circle from center
to outside all away around, lifting up dough and adding
more flour if needed.  Don’t turn the dough over.
(Actually, just follow the recipe on the Crisco box)

When your circle of dough is big enough, put in pie plate.
Trim off excess.  I use the Basic Berry recipe in my
Better Homes and Gardens cookbook which I have
had for over 40 years. It is rough shape because it
has been well used.

3 cups of berries (depending on size of pie plate)
2/3 to 1 cup of sugar
2 tablespoons of cornstarch or 4 tablespoons of flour
1 tablespoon of butter
Put berries into pie.
Mix sugar,cornstarch and dash of salt, then pour over
berries. Dot with butter and then cover with the other
circle of pastry you should have rolled out.  Poke the
top crust with fork or whatever to make a vent hole.
Cook at 400*F for 40 to 50 minutes. Serve with
vanilla ice cream. Scrumptious!
I guess in the States, Saskatoon berries are called
‘service berries’.

THE OLD PHONE ON THE WALL.
When I was a young boy, my father had one of the
first telephones in our neighborhood.. I remember
the polished, old case fastened to the wall. The
shiny receiver hung on the side of the box. I was
too little to reach the telephone, but used to listen
with fascination when my mother talked to it.

Then I discovered that somewhere inside the wonderful
device lived an amazing person. Her name was
“Information Please” and there was nothing she did not
know.  Information Please could supply anyone’s number
and the correct time.

My personal experience with the genie-in-a-bottle came
one day while my mother was visiting a neighbor. Amusing
myself at the tool bench in the basement, I whacked my
finger with a hammer, the pain was terrible, but there
seemed no point in crying because there was no one home
to give sympathy.

I walked around the house sucking my throbbing finger,
finally arriving at the stairway. The telephone! Quickly,
I ran for the footstool in the parlor and dragged it to the
landing. Climbing up, I unhooked the receiver in the parlor
and held it to my ear. “Information, please” I said into the
mouthpiece just above my head.

A click or two and a small clear voice spoke into my ear.

“Information.”

“I hurt my finger…” I wailed into the phone, the tears came
readily enough now that I had an audience.

“Isn’t your mother home?” came the question.

“Nobody’s home but me,” I blubbered.

“Are you bleeding?” the voice asked.

“No,”
I replied. “I hit my finger with the hammer and it hurts.”
“Can you open the icebox?” she asked.

I said I could.

“Then chip off a little bit of ice and hold it to your finger,”
said the voice..

After that, I called “Information Please” for everything..
I asked her for help with my geography, and she told
me where Philadelphia was. She helped me with my
math. She told me my pet chipmunk that I had caught in
the park just the day before, would eat fruit and nuts.

Then, there was the time Petey, our pet canary, died. I
called, “Information Please,” and told her the sad story..
She listened, and then said things grown-ups say to soothe
a child. But I was not consoled. I asked her, “Why is it that
birds should sing so beautifully and bring joy to all families,
only to end up as a heap of feathers on the bottom of a cage?”

She must have sensed my deep concern, for she said quietly,
” Wayne , always remember that there are other worlds to
sing in.”

Somehow I felt better.

Another day I was on the telephone, “Information Please.”
“Information,” said in the now familiar voice. “How do I spell
fix?” I asked.

All this took place in a small town in the Pacific Northwest .
When I was nine years old, we moved across the country to
Boston. I missed my friend very much. “Information Please”
belonged in that old wooden box back home and I somehow
never thought of trying the shiny new phone that sat on the
table in the hall. As I grew into my teens, the memories of
those childhood conversations never really left me..

Often, in moments of doubt and perplexity I would recall the
serene sense of security I had then.  I appreciated now how
patient, understanding, and kind she was to have spent her time
on a little boy.

A few years later, on my way west to college, my plane put down
in Seattle . I had about a half-hour or so between planes. I spent
15 minutes or so on the phone with my sister, who lived there now.
Then without thinking what I was doing, I dialed my hometown
operator and said, “Information Please.”

Miraculously, I heard the small, clear voice I knew so well.
“Information.”
I hadn’t planned this, but I heard myself saying,
“Could you please tell me how to spell fix?”
There was a long pause. Then came the soft spoken answer,
“I guess your finger must have healed by now.”

I laughed, “So it’s really you,” I said. “I wonder if you have any
idea how much you meant to me during that time?”

“I wonder,” she said, “if you know how much your call meant to me.
I never had any children and I used to look forward to your calls.”

I told her how often I had thought of her over the years and I
asked if I could call her again when I came back to visit my sister.

“Please do“, she said. “Just ask for Sally.”

Three months later I was back in Seattle .  A different voice
answered,  “Information.”
I asked for Sally..
“Are you a friend?” she said.
“Yes, a very old friend,” I answered.
“I’m sorry to have to tell you this,”She said. “Sally had been
working part time the last few years because she was sick.
She died five weeks ago.”
Before I could hang up, she said, “Wait a minute, did you
say your name was Wayne ?”
“Yes.” I answered.
“Well, Sally left a message for you..
She wrote it down in case you called.
Let me read it to you.”
The note said,
“Tell him there are other worlds to sing in.
He’ll know what I mean.”
I thanked her and hung up. I knew what Sally meant.

Never underestimate the impression you may make on others..
Whose life have you touched today?
Why not pass this on? I just did…..

Lifting you on eagle’s wings.
May you find the joy and peace you long for.

Life is a journey… NOT a guided tour.

“It is no great exaggeration to say that living
is for the most part learning, and that the
remainder of life is merely the carrying on in
practice what has previously been learned.
We begin to learn at least as soon as we
begin to live; very probably the learning
process commences some time before birth.
It does not appear probable that we cease to
learn until we are in the actual clutches of death.”
Knight Dunlap (American psycologist and author)

Harry Lorayne suggests that many of us learn
to a certain point and then just work with that
knowledge for the rest of our lives.  We can’t
be bothered to take the time and effort to
learn anything more that may enhance our lives.

So in Harry’s book he is trying to show us that if
we don’t keep learning we will stagnate.
Stagnant:
1. Not running or flowing: stagnant water
(have you ever smelled stagnant water? P U )
2. Foul from standing still
3. Not active; sluggish; dull
I would say the one Harry meant was number three,
if we aren’t constantly using our mind it becomes
sluggish and basically we are probably a dull person
to be around.

This is the point of Harry’s book ‘Secrets of Mind Power‘,
to help us to learn more, for knowledgeable people not
only benefit themselves but society as a whole.  That
is as long as they use that knowledge.  As the Bible says,
‘you don’t light a lamp and then put it under a basket’.
We should make use of our knowledge and then obtain
more knowledge so we can live a full life.

Each chapter has concentrated on different ‘ingredients’
needed to learn.  Harry says, ‘curiosity is the starter;
interest and enthusiasm are low gears; concentration and
memory high gears; and accomplishment is the smooth
level ride.’

Wishing we <more..>

Have you read the first eleven chapters regarding
Harry Lorayne’s book on ‘Mind Power’? Have you
been curious enough to want to expand your mind
to see how successful you can really be?

Harry Lorayne obviously is a man who has done that.
This chapter is about being curious and his not
understanding others who don’t want to know the
“why” and “how” of new things.

He does not believe that “ignorance is bliss” as the
saying goes. He thinks that a person’s greatest
asset is a ‘sense of humour‘ and a ‘healthy curiosity‘.
Believing that curiosity may kill a cat but with people he
feels what it kills is ignorance.

He feels that those who aren’t curious about anything
go through life; “in a straight line, like a race horse
with blinkers on; not caring about or seeing anything
but their own little pleasures, frustrations and problems.”
He doesn’t think these people come up with a ‘worthwhile
idea or do anything of interest’.

Curiosity and interest are one and the same and without
either, Lorayne feels a person must be awfully bored. He
says, “the one universal cure-all for boredom is the search
for knowledge.”

He figures the American educator Nicholas Murray Butler
was talking of such people when he said, “The tombstones
of a great many people should read: Died at 30; buried at
60.”

In condensing what Harry Lorayne has written, people may
be rich or poor but if they see things only with their eyes
and not their minds they will become bored. Plus those
who aren’t quite bored yet but soon will be because they
take ‘the path of least resistance‘. Not bothering to take
the time to figure out what they don’t understand.

If you still need convincing that to be successful you do
need to be curious, continue reading <here>